A moment I had forgotten 

discovered imprinted in another—

remembered and shared years later

It reminded me of a different narrative

All the little kindnesses

that I did without expectation

of remembrance or return--

taken for granted as natural

and forgotten

They form a fabric in my life

that had gotten utterly drowned out

by the erroneous story I had told myself

Should I try to remember them—

the little moments I had acted as myself?

Without thought or agenda?

Write them down on different colored paper 

and make a mosaic of it?

Would I finally see myself then

and actually trust in the mirror?

 

Unicorns are rare, they said

so they must be kept in cages

The fence gives them safety

the gardens fill the air with fragrance

and the skies call out—

offer memories of flying

But unicorns are rare

so we can’t let them fly away

If they grace the clouds

they will be shot down—

it’s the fate of beautiful things

to shine brightly

and then be targeted

tarnished and shattered

So stay safe, little unicorn

Never mind the sky’s promise—

do not fly; we will clip your wings

Do not dream; we will fade away

the things that tempt you into yesterday’s life

That remembrance of a time

when you were free

Stay in your beautiful garden

in the solitude of a forest

where no one will hunt you

because no one remembers

your name

 

We rise from the ashes—

we are the fire

we are the things that burn

we are the oxygen that feeds

and the spark that ignites 

As phoenixes we can be reborn

but our origins are primal

and sometimes we forget

that we are all things

-no distinct thing-

at once

 

There is a serenity to being in suspense--

not knowing where the next moment leads

not having roots in which to cling to

not needing a rudder to guide through stormy waters

Because I have you

and I have me

and we have Life—

all the things seen and unseen

which surround us

-are us-

and lend us strength

 

Fear was once my bedmate—

it chased me into my dreams

and it lingered in my consciousness

before I opened my eyes

upon waking

 

I wondered once

if it might even be a soulmate—

if instead of epic love

I was destined to consuming angst

 

I worried once

when I recognized anxiety

had become familiar—

so much so that I did not know

it ruled my heart

impacted the speed of my speech

seeped into my mind to the point

decisions were based on fear first

and love came second

 

Other people -my mom, especially-

had to remind me fear was not innate

It was not, in fact, a default setting

I realized today

it isn’t my bedmate anymore

It was never in my destiny

-I have other soulmates-

So many more futures are opening

and in the place of that anxiety

love is starting to come first

 

It’s in transition—

this life that was predicated on fear

becoming predicated on faith

trust

welcoming

a unique love

-epic in a way I didn’t expect-

and a stillness of gratitude

 

I bid goodnight

to that life of fear

I offer good morning

to a kinder, gentler companion